Relationships make us so much of who we are. We like to think we’re individuals, shaped only by our own choices, but the truth is that the relationships we have throughout our lives have just as much of an impact on who we are and who we become. And it’s not just romantic relationships that change our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us. Friendships can be just as important, if not more so, in molding who we are and how we treat others.
Maybe you’re aware of how vital your friends are to you now, but what about the friends you’ve had in the past? What about your first friends?
Our childhood friends are the first relationships we have outside of our families. They’re the first friends we really choose, even if it’s just by virtue of proximity or circumstances. Maybe you met in grade school, or even earlier than that, on a playground. A childhood friendship doesn’t need to be lifelong to have a sizable impact on who you become. They leave an impact on you, long after you’ve lost touch.
你的自尊、身份和对自己的信心与生命早期的朋友有关。如果你对和你一起长大的朋友有美好的回忆，那么他们对你的影响很可能比你当时想象的要大。根据一项研究，童年友谊“为孩子们提供了一个能够发展社交能力和建立自尊的环境”，并且可以为情感和个人成长提供支持。
Put simply, your childhood friends are integral to your development, psychologically and emotionally. It’s hard to become a strong individual with a healthy idea of who you are and how you fit in the world without having had some good friends in your younger years. They were the mirrors that helped you figure yourself out. These are the people who helped you learn how to socialize, how to relate to others, and how to be a good friend. They helped you learn empathy, and gave you a more positive image of yourself. Your self-esteem now is a huge part of how you operate in romantic relationships and friendships in your adult life.
The kids you grew up with impact how you fight, too. The first fights you had socially establish patterns that you may carry with you still. Did you always end up wanting to be the peacemaker in playground squabbles? That’s probably a through-line into your relationships today; you might find yourself sacrificing your own needs to a partner if you think it will make them happy and resolve conflict. If you were bullied, having one good friend who stood up for you could have had a huge impact on you. But it also taught you that you were worth standing up for in the first place.
If you didn’t have any good friends growing up, the lack of it can still impact you to this day. Researchers have shown links between friendlessness and depression later in life. In this study, kids who didn’t have a friend in their adolescent years ended up being much more likely to have clinical depression and anxiety thirteen years later. That’s a huge impact! Don’t worry though, if you went without friends for a few years as a child, you aren’t broken. It just might explain a little more about your inner psyche than you thought.
If you did have good childhood friends, whether just a few or a lot, you’ve got a lot to be grateful for. They helped you become a better you, over each sleepover and clubhouse and band practice. And the great news is, you helped make them who they are today, too.
How about you? Are you still in touch with any of your childhood friends?
